If you have someone you care about in your life that just refuses to take care of themselves, then this article is for you. It was inspired by an e-mail I recently received from a HASfitter reaching out for help because they just can’t get their spouse to eat healthy or exercise.
First, let me start by saying that you are not alone. This is a struggle that millions of households face (including households in my family).
There is a real problem facing our society in food addiction. We’ve been eating crap for so dang long that our brains reject the thought of anything else. Just as it is hard for an alcoholic to quit cold turkey, it is equally hard for food addicts to change.
Unfortunately, they often only change bad habits when receiving terrible news from the doctor.
It is hard being a spouse or family member, because no matter how genuine your intentions are, everything that comes out of your mouth is often heard differently.
When you say, “would you like a salad with dinner?” They hear, “you’re fat.”
When you say, “would you like to go exercise with me?” They hear, “you need to get in shape.”
So the key is to focus on health and not appearance. If they don’t genuinely believe that you are encouraging a change 100% because of your intentions to make the family healthier … you will fail.
How do you do this? Well, with love of course.
You need to sit them down and say, “I’d like to talk about something that is really making me sad.”
Tell them you love them so much that the thought of losing them even a day early to a preventable condition makes you so sad that you can’t bare it. Tell them you don’t want to wait until they receive bad news at the doctor before making changes, because by that point it could be too late.
If the family has hereditary conditions like heart disease or Alzheimer’s, then these are good things to bring up too.
Next, tell them that you’d like their support in being good examples for the rest of the family (sons, daughters, grand kids, etc.) because it is the food habits they learn at an early age that they will carry with them forever. Tell them that you can’t do it on your own and that you need their help.
Lastly, tell them that they owe it to your children, grandchildren, and/or great grandchildren to be around as long as possible.
If you use any approach that doesn’t include a constant voice of love … you will fail. There cannot be any frustration or anger in your voice when they push back. Just keep throwing the love at them. It’s okay if they don’t give it to you right away. Know when to pull away and give them an opportunity to think about what you’re asking.
Ask if they’d be willing to start making small changes. Don’t expect them to “quit cold turkey” and only eat clean and exercise 5x per week. Instead, encourage them to start with just small day-to-day improvements and compliment them when they make good choices with the magic words “I’m proud of you.”
You’ll need to be their support system, because chances are they can’t do it on their own.
When they slip up (and they will), do not pass on any judgment or funny looks. Act like you didn’t even notice. Otherwise, they will use it as an excuse to slip back into old routines. I don’t mean that in a negative way, but unfortunately I’ve just seen it too many times.
Love. Love. Love.
It is your only chance.
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